INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S PANCAKE DAY.

today i have not so much been celebrating internation women's day (every day is women's day to me!) but i have been making pancakes:



BANANA PANCAKES

* 55g/2oz butter, cubed
* 275g/9¾oz self–raising flour
* 1 tsp baking powder
* 2 free-range eggs
* 2 tbsp soft light brown sugar
* 300ml/½ pint whole milk
* 1 large banana, roughly chopped
* 1-2 tbsp sunflower oil
* 8 rashers rindless streaky bacon
* maple or golden syrup, to serve

1. preheat the oven to 110c/225f/gas ¼.
2. melt 25g/1oz of the butter in a small pan over a low heat and leave to cool for five minutes.
3. put the melted butter, flour, baking powder, eggs, sugar and milk in a food processor and blend until smooth.
4. pour into a large bowl and mash the banana into the batter with a potato masher.
5. melt a little of the oil with a cube of butter in a large non-stick frying pan over a medium heat. wipe around the base of the pan with a thick wad of kitchen paper. (i dont know what that bits all about.. i didn't do it.)
6. drop two or four large serving spoonfuls of the banana pancake mixture into the frying pan, spacing well apart. cook for three minutes (more like a minute and a half!) or until the pancakes rise, bubbles appear and the surface appears dry.
7. flip over with a palette knife and cook on the other side for a further 2-3 minutes (minute and a half) or until pale golden-brown.
8. transfer to a heatproof plate and keep warm in the oven while you cook the remaining eight pancakes in exactly the same way.
9. return the frying pan to the heat and add the streaky bacon. cook for about three minutes on each side until golden and crisp, turning once. add a splash of oil if the rashers begin to stick.
10. pile the pancakes onto four warmed plates and top with the fried bacon. drizzle with a little maple syrup (or golden syrup) and serve the rest separately.

i got the recipe from here, but i skipped the bacon and syrup and found that three minutes cooking time was WAY TOO LONG (i burned half the pancakes) perhaps if you do it on lower heat.. either way, check the pancakes after about a minute and if they're brown enough, flip them!

i'm all pancaked up, i found this recipe for american style blueberry pancakes earlier from good food and i'm going to make them later but with raspberries. (cos english blueberries are rubbish, and overpriced. and i like raspberries. they're my favourite.)

in other news, i feel a bit shit and weepy as fuck and i think i should probably start taking my medication again. i haven't really taken it since i got my no babies implant put in a month + 1 day ago. i hadn't really noticed a difference until.. just now? i have also been watching the first series of roseanne and torchwood. and made some progress on my cardigan, i am now on the sleeves! i also really really like eating. food is awesome!

my secret private pre-derby lunch from sunday:
(sainsbury's reduced shelf) chicken & chorizo pie with chips and peas.

bowties are cool.

what the hell was that?, originally uploaded by Tukru Loves You.

i started watching the body earlier but it was too sad. i actually started crying, for real. like it was real. can’t handle that much emo right now, maybe tomorrow. been watching too much buffy anyway. i shall watch some doctor who instead, while i work on the words for your pretty face #12. i’ve already got at least 16 page worth of text and there’s so much i haven’t written about. started working on it the day before yesterday i think. by this rate, i might even finish it in time for alternative press fair. two weeks.. that'd be two zines in less than two months. i might as well use my time off doing something other than just watching buffy, sulking and sleeping..

in other news, carl is killing zombies with kennedy, castro & nixon. and i had an mri scan today. not the most funnest thing ever, i can say. boring as fuck.

RECOVERY.

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cast-out, originally uploaded by Tukru Loves You.

i'm feeling grumpy. the cast is getting old and annoying and so uncomfortable. itch itch itch. shit is acting impossible to sort out. sulk face. i just wanna go out and sort some shit but stupid itunes has decided to sync my ipod and its taking ages and i can't make it stop. just. not. my. day. oh and my arm's starting to hurt again. ARGGGHH

VISIBLE DERBY INJURY #1

visible derby injury #1, originally uploaded by Tukru Loves You.

i fractured my right wrist at today's derby practice. it hurt so bad i cried. i've never broken or fractured a bone before. i'm already missing having use of my right arm. using the computer is so awkward. i can't fold & put together your pretty face #13 which i printed 60 copies of yesterday. how frustrating is that? luckily i put together about 10 copies last night before we went to abi & alex's for dinner. i can't write or draw, and i can't knit. what shall i do? read, i guess.

i'd write more but it's too flipping awkward. i miss my right arm already. don't know how i'm gonna cope! i never realised how much i need my right hand for on a regular basis.

THE PAIN IN MY BUM.

i've got a doctor's appointment at one on the subject of le coccyx. i feel like such a sissy* for complaining about it (or made to feel like one, whatever) but it does still hurt. to sit. to lie down, even on my belly and to stand. not massively, i can live with it. but i just don't wanna make it worse, and i need a professional to tell me, so i don't feel bad about not going to the roller derby practise tomorrow. it's only the second one though, how much do i suck? after all the introduction sheet did say something along the lines of 'if you can't commit, don't do it'. though it did also say to take a break if i need it, physically or mentally. o hai guilt. i wish i at least had a bruise to show for my injuries. my legs only stopped killing me wednesday..

i just found out that there's a helsinki roller derby team too! and a bunch of my old friends from the olden days of finnish riot grrl are on it. oh small world. and they've got a blog. i just love their logo:

it's based on havis amanda, an iconic bronze statue/fountain in kauppatori (market square) in helsinki. how ace can a logo be?

since there's no derby for me this weekend, i've decided to do my 24h zine instead. i kinda started last night, typed one page and realised i have no glue and no idea where any of my scissors are so i left it. i'll start when i get back from the doctors & glue shopping. oh and apparently some fizzy pop insence from the bong shop..

*the least misogynist/anti-female term i could think of. why is untoughness verbalised by feminine words? c'mon, women give birth and bleed monthly and all that shit. if that ain't tough, i don't know what is. i hate the english language sometimes. sigh.

SOME SHIT PHOTOS / MY UNEXCITING LIFE

i put some lipstick on on sunday. i like to wear it in geisha style.



carl hasn't shave for at least two weeks (he can't actually remember when he shaved last) since he's got this far on beard growing, i might as well make him do it properly.



i did some girly shopping yesterday on my way home from work (neon leg warmers & eye shadows, all 50p each) and carl brought me barbie size beauty products from oxfam.



i made blackberry & banana muffins earlier and i accidentally baked them for extra 10 minutes and they had a sick party all over each other (i wonder if that was the fact i didn't use any bicarbonate of soda, or just cos i filled the cases too full...)

today i had therapy (on the phone) for the first time in about two months. (december and most of november were just too fucking hectic to go to lunch at a certain time and spend it on the phone thinking about how well i'm coping with shit.) apparently i've got worse since last time. from moderate to borderline moderate / severe. wahey anxiety.

i have plans and projects i manage to do fuck all about. and i had one of the best ideas i've ever had, inspired by a friend's lj post about creepy dudes. now i just need to figure out how to actually make them.

BAD WEEK.

Living Dolls Part One, originally uploaded by Laurence,.

i’ve had a rather bad week. too much work. too much stress and emotional upheaval, this fucking cold and this fucking cough (i can’t even have a fucking fag to calm the fuck down) i’ve been a cranky miserable little bitch, but i’m going to be nicer now. i’ve got a fuckload of unread things on my google reader (maybe i should just unfollow some blogs..) and i’m so behind on distro & etsy orders. one day i will be organized, but i doubt it will be until after christmas. i’m sorry. i fail at everything. everyone who's been waiting for their orders forever will get an extra present as an apology.

i’m going to go shopping a little later, get my dad a present. we were going to post it all today but obvs that’s not going to happen. carl said i should go tomorrow but i don’t want to, sunday is my day and i don’t want to even think about leaving the house tomorrow. and we've been fighting too. i hate this week, i wish it was christmas already.

i wish there was a website you can check yesterday’s weather on so you can actually tell what today’s forecast means. fuck if i know what 8 celcius feels like. i want to wear the blue vintage dress i got from zara at the swap party, but i think it's probably way too cold for anything that pretty for at least a couple of months. which fucking sucks. i feel so disgusting and ugly lately that it's not funny. a face cracked from rough tissues doesn't help the matters at all.

ODD GIRL OUT

source (strange sisters)

i watched yet another documentary about weed with carl last night and they said something about anti-depressants that made me think about my medication. "how many of these people have a chemical inbalance and how many are just getting over a bad breakup?" or something along the lines. it's been clear to me for a while (sort of) that really, my problem is my job, not a chemical imbalance in the brain. and medication probably won't help, because it's not making the problem go away. yet i'm too pathetic to really look for another job. i make feeble attempts every once and a while but.. i just hate the process of job hunting so much. i'm no good at it. i'm no good at cvs and covering letters and application forms. meh.

today was quite nice. he wasn't there. which was good, since i was late as usual. my bed is too comfy, carl's too warm and nice and toasty and cuddly, i just cannot get out of bed. and eating breakfast is a chore. but i need my breakfast, i have to eat it. i hate my morning gagging. i'm trying to cut down on dairy, i had an etsy message from someone who orders my zines quite often a while ago, they'd read about my troubles here or in #8 (i can't remember whether i wrote about it in there or on the blog or both) and she told me she'd had the same problem and cutting out dairy (particularly yoghurt and cheese) had helped. now, i can't not eat cheese, i like cheese too much, but i guess i can stop carving away half of the parmesan while cooking.. and just not eat it as much. unfortunately my breakfast usually consists of toast or cereal and a yoghurt and my midmorning snack on my tea/fag break is usually a yoghurt too. today i managed to not eat a single yoghurt. i had toast + 2 kiwi fruits for breakfast and kiwi fruit + banana for snack. go me. i think i'm going to try to keep this up, see if it helps. cos the gagging's got almost worse since i was ill. i'm almost sick in my mouth several times in the morning. it really puts me off a) breakfast and b) leaving the house. like i need another thing putting me off the idea of going to work..

the distro has started off quite well, six orders already! i was going to send carl to the post office tomorrow, but unfortunately he's at oxfam all day, so they'll be sent out thursday instead. it's making me really happy! i know it's only been open for what, three days but.. it's really making me feel good about stuff. everyone's been really nice and supportive, bunch of my friends have been giving shout outs for it on their blogs & twitters (thank you!) i want more zines. i've made a little zine wish list for the distro, but carl's sensibly suggested that we're sensible and don't go buying loads of new stock quite yet. but i'm itching! i guess we'll be packing orders tomorrow. half the presents are gone! get in quick if you want 'em.

you reckon this counts as 10 minutes of writing for this? i can't actually join the comm because i found out about it sunday and i guess they closed the membership saturday night or something. poop. doesn't stop me doing it on my own though, does it? i was going to try to write some fiction tonight but it just hasn't happened. actually i was going to watch telly today and not be on the computer because there was a bunch of good stuff on, for once (eastenders, james may's toy thingie, f word and it's just a theory) but i've only managed to watch half of enders sitting on the sofa, facing the telly. might get off my seat after i finish writing this and watch the rest of it's only a theory in a similar fashion. we'll see.