Wednesday, October 28, 2009


Headache, originally uploaded by Laurence 2.

today had such a bad start. i was dreading work because the boss was back today (he's been away in ireland on a long weekend, phew) and i was worried about seeing him again. and it started bad, the first thing he told me was he didn't appreciate me telling people he'd shouted at me and it happened again, i'd be gone. then he buggered off somewhere, i tried to print out all the orders but couldn't help but start panicky crying. eventually it escalated to some kind of a panic attack. i couldn't stop crying and i could breathe properly. i wanted to quit my job so bad, just go home right then before anyone gets a chance to fire me / to just get it fucking over with so i don't have to worry about it. eventually i went in the toilets and rang my mum and she told me i can't quit my job, i'd be fucked and wouldn't be able to even go on benefits. to just have some finnish sisu and tell him to fuck off in finnish. when i came out of the toilet with my eyes still all red and leaking, i saw the boss and we had a little talk. i don't really want to get into it but hopefully he'll remember at least some of the things i said and works on his mannerisms and the way he talks to me. and hopefully everyone else too. you'd think you'd be a bit extra sensitive to someone you know is emotionally fragile.. fingers crossed. i did almost go home but eventually my breathing calmed down and i felt like a stupid over dramatic idiot. so embarrassing.. the rest of the day was actually fine. except for nasty lady who said i wasn't listening to her when really she was the one who wasn't listening to what i was saying and finished of with "you've ruined my son's birthday." thanks a lot. to be honest, once we've sent your damn WWE scooter, it's not really up to us, it's the courier company and you, and it's easier if you talk to them directly rather than me go back and forth on courier and you. some people are impossible.

i think i may have found a dress for dressing up as kiki the young witch in primark. but i'm not sure, it was knitted and i didn't really like it otherwise and £13 is not cheap for something i might never wear again. i guess there's still tk maxx.. and there were some ok ones in new look, but they were closing up yesterday as i was i having a quick look on my way home.

i think i'm going to go and read zines in the bedroom. there's still a few more descriptions that need writing for the distro website. also, there's evil forms that need filling in but i dont have the mental energy to fill. supposed to do them by the end of the week, i think.

maranda received my half of our split yesterday, she should be mailing me the flats very soon, then there will be new EPIC split zines! she'll already have some this weekend at Hallowzine (saturday) & Canzine (sunday) if you're anywhere near in toronto, canadialand.


frl.zucker said...


and this happened to me too last year, i started crying at work and couldn't stop it. actually it happened a few times, but one time was when my boss was talking to me... so horrible. :(

are you sure you can't get the benefits when you quit? how exactly does it work? why is it possible that you HAVE to stay in this situation when it's obviously not doing you any good?!

Anonymous said...

More proof that wage-slavery SUCKS!!! You should try to work the system so you don't have to put up with that situation anymore. It's just not worth your sanity, and besides, I believe the rich are the real parasites on society, anyway, so I certainly won't look down on you for living on benefits.